Transitions

Transition . . .simple word, three syllables, packed with meaning. At it's most basic, transition means change . . .A change in circumstance, situation or status.

Every year around this time, I start thinking about transitions. I think it is the back to school thing. For me, the start of the school year was not always fun. I was the fat, unusual kid who lived in the boonies and did not fit in anywhere, and I was the absolute favorite target of the school bullies. Add to that, I went to a secular private school, where the core classmates never changed, and that just added a heck of a lot more pressure. I hated grade school, middle school was hard, and by high school I was just resigned and focused on getting out. I just wanted to get to a new situation, and I knew that was coming in college.

The transition between high school and college, though, that was tough. College for me was the most incredible time in my life (short of the time I am now living in with my husband) but I really was not prepared at all for the changes and issues that come with moving from my parents house to a dorm, and I was really not ready to be on my own. I found myself really wishing my high school had some program for seniors and recent college students to get together and discuss the issues and complications that come with the transition from one situation to the next. Then again, I don't think anyone's particular situation can translate to another.

The longest I had ever been away from home before college was two weeks. And I had never lived outside of San Diego before. I had never shared a room before. Never had to pay bills or really create my own schedule for everything from classes to laundry before. And I really had never had to deal with a roommate who started sleeping with the "love of her life," one week into the year and in our room every night before. I was 17, and all of a sudden I was on my own, in the midwest, away from everyone I knew, and completely unprepared for the life I had transitioned into.

Looking back on it, I am glad that I went through what I did. It forced me into a "grown up" situation with no safety net . . . and you know what? I survived. Even better, for the first time in my life, I thrived. I found my first best friend, I found acceptance from people for who I was and not for who I should be. And I found that I could balance my own checkbook and pay my own bills on time. All of that and more, I did on my own. No guides, no boundaries, and no lectures. I survived without supervision . . .What a concept!

So here is what I think . . . We need to do a good job for our kids when it comes to preparing them for that fateful transition to freshman year in college, or that first year out of high school. We need to give them the capabilities to survive and thrive on their own.

But in the end, we just need to give them a push and let them find out for themselves how to work in transition.

My Cups Runneth Over

OK, here is something else that frosts my cookies . . . mmmmmmmm cookies . . . When the Hollywood "Press" claims the latest flavor of the week has put on some pounds, all of a sudden she is "curvy."

No, I beg to differ . . .a "curvy" Hollywood starlet is simply bloated, off the water pills and laxatives. Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jessica Simpson, Meghan McCain (tee hee I am a size 8) and Kim Kickintheassets are not curvy . . .intellectually challenged maybe, but not curvy.

No, curvy women are women who consistently haunt the double digit clothing racks. They are the women who actually eat when they are out with others (even men and dates at that). They are the women who know there is more to life than leafy bunny food, vegetable juice and micro-greens. You know, women whose bras aren't filled with Kleenex and silicone.

Curves mean cellulite and muffin tops. Curves mean back fat and shoulder divits. You cannot have a curvy woman without the thunder thighs, and you cannot have the soft and natural pleasure pillows without the tummy. Truly curvy women know that jeans are the enemy, and that pants application can also double as aerobic exercise.

I am a curvy woman. I have not seen a single digit size since I was a single digit age, and even then I think it was more of a fluke. I have never known the pleasure of sitting while hugging my knees to my chest (both tummy and thighs prevent that), and I cannot remember a time where my weight was not a pain in my larger than standard assets.

My thighs have been know to start fires (from the friction) and my butt has it's own zip code. My mom still loves to tell the "funny" story of how I was the only baby to gain weight in the hospital . . .and how I have been drinking skim milk since I was two weeks old. I don't skinny dip, I chunky dunk.

What really bothers me is women like me are more and more the norm, and not the exception. Those toothpicks, who double as shadows, they are the exception, and in my opinion, an unattractive exception at that.

Thanks to that wonderful source, the internet, I know that a majority of women in America average out at a size 14 (that would be whale size by Hollywood standards). Screen Goddess and Pinup Gal Supreme Marilyn Monroe was a member of the double digit club, and that woman was HOT! Queen Latifah, Cameron Manheim, Nicky B. (from Hairspray) and Raven Simone . . .Those are some gorgeous and curvy women.

So here is what I think . . .Curves can be dangerous, in both good and bad ways. Obviously, you cannot just throw all caution to the wind and gorge . . .there you risk your health, and that is always dangerous.

However, women need to know and see that healthy, gorgeous beauty comes in more than a single digit size, and famous women need to stop making excuses for what the powers-that-be call fat. Just once, I would love to see a famous person, previously stick figure size wise, unapologetically embrace a fuller, more gorgeous figure.

Beauty is only skin deep, and the more skin there is, the more beauty there can be.

Big People Conversation

One of the things that I remember with complete clarity from my childhood is when I was told to leave the room for "Big People Conversation Time."

I came to understand much later on that "Big People Conversation Time" was actually the time my parents had those serious marital discussions. The ones that are never clean, often difficult, and never pretty.

But those conversations are also the ones where some of the best growth in marriage occurs. Those times of discomfort and progress . . . Those are the times I wish I could have some first hand perspective on.

Now I am not saying that we should expose our children to those "Big People Conversation" times, but as I grow in my own marriage, I often find myself wondering "Is this normal? Is our marriage normal?" I wish I had a point of view or some personal observation that I could recall, that would help me answer the "normal" question.

I don't know if it is just me or just a female thing, but I often wonder if what I am doing is normal. Is the way I live my marriage, and deal with issues normal . . .or am I really the psycho hose beast I fear I am.

But then I think, who cares what normal is? What we do works for us in our lives. . .it may not be the "Dr. Phil / Dr. Laura" way of conduct, but it works. Maybe that is normal, and maybe that is what I need to remember.

So here's what I think . . .Big People Conversation Time has its place in every home. But leadership by example and life lessons need to happen along the way. If for no other reason than to save our kids from the never ending and pointless inquiry that is the "Am I normal?" saga.