Hello Again . . .

It has been awhile.

I took an extended blogger leave of absence . . .oh . . .forever ago plus a day because, well, just because. Life came over me like a wave or five and I forgot to remember how much I enjoy this.

Well, I am back world, and thanks to a movie (see next post), I am chockerboc full of ideas for a new year of blogging. It will be interesting. . .there will be laughs, tears, and some hair loss by yours truly, but I hope to enjoy the ride.

A Weighty Issue

We have already established that I am a somewhat curvaceous woman. I have my own area code, and I am reluctantly proud and somewhat resigned to that fact.

One thing that I have learned more recently is that my feet also have a challenge when it comes to weight. Specifically, I have an extremely heavy lead foot. And boyo does the California Highway Patrol know it.

Recently, the local Monitor/Official Pastry Tester was trying to make the monthly quota doing his job in keeping the speed low on a local road, and I happened to come by when he was tuning up his radar.

Lucky me . . .Is there really anything better than seeing those lovely lights behind you?? Better yet, Officer Not So Friendly looked nothing like these guys:




Sidenote here: I LOVED John . . .Ponch not so much. But John, Hottie McHotterson! And John would never stoop to doing infomercials for Florida swamp land.

Back to the lesson: Some apologizing and lecturing later, I was on my way with a lovely yellow piece of paper by my side, and Mr. Officer Man was on his way to the local doughnut shop.

Oh well, it has been a while since I attended online traffic school. Maybe I can best my last time of 1.4 hours from start to finish for completing the reading and test sections (supposed to take 8 hours, but I am the speed cheater reader supreme).

I don't remember when exactly the Highway Patrol target was applied to my car. I only know that my bank account started taking some hits in the last about 6 years. I can be going with the flow of traffic and get singled out by Officer Quota. I can be in rush hour traffic and get a ticket for going 20 miles per hour over the speed limit (that one I should have fought, but I am a woosy baby). I have even gotten a ticket for coasting downhill too fast.

A couple of years ago, my collection was so big that I became the proud recipient of a DMV warning letter . . .too many tickets+too little time = DMV Nasty Gram. For a while, my insurance record resembled an early inning baseball score, points wise and my husband had enough material on me in terms of driving that I could not compete.

Recently, I thought I had finally turned a corner. . .foolish mortal that I am. But no, I just had to find Quota Man and now I am stuck with a fine and a list of acceptable traffic schools.

Where is the Krispy Kreme light when you need it????

Thank You Mr. Lipton

I love the show Inside the Actors Studio. I wish I had the talent to act, just so I could be invited by James Lipton to be on the show.

At the end of every show, just before he turns the guest over to his students, he uses the famous Bernard Pivot questionnaire to find out more about the guest of the day. I love the questions, and I thought that, since it does not look like I will have the chance to talk to Mr. Lipton or Mr. Pivot any time soon, I would just answer the questions anyway.

Here is more than you probably wanted to know:

1. What is your favorite word?

Discombobulated -- Just like to say it.

2. What is your least favorite word?

Hate -- Very little is worth the power and emotion this word carries.

3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

The pure sounds of happiness. My brother Mike has the best giggle when he gets going, and there is a sparkle and light that both my Dad and my Husband get in their eyes when they are just getting ready to cut loose with a genuine smile and laugh. That look and those sounds . . .It may as well be opera.

4. What turns you off creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

Sounds of pain and despair, and anything that even resembles abuse of an innocent being. Nothing makes me lower than to see someone hurt that which is innocent and unconditionally loving.

5. What sound or noise do you love?

Good Music and Loud Laughter.

6. What sound or noise do you hate?

The sounds of utter despair and sadness.

7. What is your favorite curse word?

Lord forgive me for what I am about to type . . .Rusty C#nt Bucket F%$&ing A$$ Headed Hole.

8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

Actor or Teacher.

9. What profession would you not like to do?

Veterinarian -- I cannot even face the thought of dogs or horses or any of my favorite animals in pain and there is no way I could put an animal I knew down.

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

First off, yes there is a God and yes there is a heaven. And yes, I cannot wait to see it and all my family again someday.

When I get to the gates, I hope to be greeted simply with "Welcome Home."

I'm Entering the 21st Century

So, a good friend of mine told me today that she was going to update her blog. . .and I finally ask (because I knew she would not tease me for not knowing) what is a blog.

She sent me the link to her blog, and I thought, well I can do that. I like to write, I love to share, and it looks like a great way to do both.

So now I am blogging. I am not sure if there will be anyone besides me reading this, but hey at least I am doing it.